Letter to Kirbs, 2003

I slowly broke open the golden cookie wondering what fortune was left inside. To be mature, I muttered under my breath, is to accept imperfections.

It made me think a lot about my life, my imperfections, my mistakes. I have never been one to regret anything, because every bad moment leads to a good moment or has lead me to learn the lessons I’ve needed to learn to be the person I am today.

So I thought about all the things I would want to do differently, the things I would want to change or think twice about. How could it change me then, how would it have changed me now.

I am not one who normally steals post ideas, but I read on a few blogs recently a series of letters to the writers themselves when they were young.  I thought I would give it a shot.

Hey Young Me,

Yeah you, put down the rifle for ten seconds and stop dreaming up flag routines to The Sundays Wild Horses for a minute and listen to me. This could be important.

You will be graduating in a few months. That’s not what I want to talk to you about because you already know where you’re going: Salem College. That’s not what this is about. This is about everything else.

You did good when you finally broke up with Rocker Guy. Yeah, you might be feeling a little lonely since Valentines Day just passed and you all barely made it a year. Trust me, you did the right thing. As sweet and genuine Rocker Guy may have been you don’t want to end up with a guy who is seven years older than you and has been obsessed with you since you were twelve.  He will continue to be obsessed with you, even after he dates three other seventeen year olds the following three years. Be nice to him, he isn’t aware that in five years he will still be finishing his degree, living with his mother, working at a gas station and the center of most jokes. He really doesn’t deserve it.

Don’t freak out so bad when you lose your prom date. He really would prefer to be there with you. And at the last minute you end up taking Actor-Guy. It’s a night you will always remember but beware, he will cause your first heartbreak. Yes, even though he tells you he is no longer with his ex he is still sleeping with her behind your back. Today they are married, have a beautiful little girl, are expecting their second child and are miserable. Which brings me to my next point, when your friend in college offers to torment the said ex-girlfriend tell her to leave it be. It causes more drama then its worth.

Enjoy your three close friends while you can. L moves away when you graduate, you realize that C is a self-centered, condescending jealous backstabber, and Mrs. Blue eyes isn’t around so much these days either.  I know you two are BFF right now with your weekend excursions and Orlando grad week plans but trust me, you both turn out to not be the people you thought you were. Your friendship won’t withstand anything.

And don’t be so afraid to tell Mrs. Blue Eyes your hot for her brother. Stop blushing and stop denying it. You like him, and you two will date for almost a year and it will be dramatic and exciting and fun and heartbreaking all the time. Don’t be so quick to place a label on it, enjoy the time you have with him because believe it or not you will fuck up the relationship. You will cheat on him with fast car guy who is, duh, playing you, and it will break both of your hearts. It sucks. Life is going to suck a lot for you.

Don’t be afraid to try out for the summer play. It’s a worthwhile experience that introduces you to a number of amazing people, from a girl named Barbie, to a 15 year old girl who will teach you a thing about living one summer, to the official Kindred Spirit. She will inspire you and enlighten you and become a very important part of your life. To ensure this happens properly do not, I repeat DO NOT make out with her brother at the cast party. Well, I take that back. You can, just don’t be a spaz about it afterwards. All it does it make you awkward around her. It will cause you too lose a precious year in your friendship where you barely see or speak to her. Don’t let it take that away from you.

Don’t try so hard to fit in with your first roommate and her circle of people when you get to Salem. They are nice girls, but they are not who they seem to be. Focus on the amazing big sister you are introduced to, and the people she will introduce you to. You’ll meet some of the most amazing women you have ever known and they will support you in everything you do. Also, be extra nice to the Princess next to you on the stage in the school play. She becomes your best friend.

Don’t go to Myrtle Beach for spring break your freshman year.

Don’t apply for credit cards your sophomore year.

Always take your roommates side Junior year.

See the man sitting in the recliner behind you, watching TV and lovingly looking at your mother. Go and hug him, kiss him, and tell him you love him everyday. Believe it or not he won’t always be around.

Don’t work so hard. Study a little more. Never be afraid of your opinion or your heart.

You’ll have your heart broken, you’ll break some hearts. You’ll have friends betray you and you will betray friends. Always remember it’s the circle of life, and that it’s not the end of the world. Be true to who you are and don’t ask questions.

And one day, in about two years you are going to be introduced to a boy. Don’t run from him. He’ll become the love of your life. It won’t be easy, and you’ll cry and he’ll break your heart but you’ll win in the end. Or at least, you are winning currently. Just remember he’s worth it.

And be good to your family. They become very important when you experience a lot of loss in 2007. Remember they are the best part of you.

I think thats about it. I know this was a waste because you are as head strong and stubborn as I have always been. Every lesson has been be learned on your own. You’ll never believe me until you see it yourself. Just have fun, love and be loved.

You are about to experience the most inspiring and hurtful years of your life. Enjoy.

M.O.K.I.T.A,

Future You.

~ by kirbyann on February 22, 2008.