I feel a little stiffled by the amount of time that has passed and the drastic change between my life when i started this blog and now.
So, like a drastic haircut, I’m starting anew. Time for change.
http://kirbyrice.wordpress.com
Come, enjoy. I promise I’ll write more often 
Things have been good lately. Real good. They got a little iffy for awhile but I feel back on track. Bills are paid, work is productive and that boy of mine, well… perfection is to simple a word for it.
Still, today, even after the AMAZING night I had I couldn’t sleep. And I couldn’t sleep the night before, or the night before that. Something tells me I won’t be sleeping tonight, or at all this weekend. I’m restless and antsy because for the first time in almost five months C is in the same town as me. Not only the same town, but the same side of town. Charlotte is not as big as you would imagine.
Walking around Harris Teeter today I jumped three times and strained my eyes thinking he was around the corner or in line a few people ahead of me.
I have this unreasonable fear that even though he decided he didn’t want to see me this trip, he wasn’t ready to see me this trip, that I’m going to run into him anyways. Awkwardness masked with unreasonable tension makes for a bad day.
And what does that mean anyway. HE’S not ready to see me yet. I’m sorry… who dumped who via google chat after four years. I didn’t realize he got to have an opinion.
But the dynamic of me and C has always been about him, why change it now… right?
Besides, what am I worried about? The cop is planning a relaxing romantic evening for us as we speak. Candles, rose petals and most likely a naked man in my bed when I get home.
What more could I possibly want?
I remember the first time I watched the Wizard of Oz. I was memorized by the color, the anticipation and fear when they kill the Wicked Witch. The joy of seeing the Scarecrow get his brain, the Tinman a heart, the Cowardly Lion his Courage and Dorothy back to her home. It never dawned on me as a child that it was really just a piece of paper, a ticking watch and a metal of honor. Dorothy got her home, but the other three got trinkets to make them feel like they had what they were missing. And as for the Wizard, well, he was just a man behind the curtain.
I’m starting to feel the shady lines between fantasy and reality. I’m not a child anymore. I know things are messy, and can not be cleaned up with a magic wand or a hot air balloon. Still, I guess for awhile the fantasy was nice… to pretend the Wizard was all powerful and knowing and could whisk my problems away behind the smoke and mirrors.
I’m back in black and white Kansas. I miss technocolor.
I finally got rid of the funk.
All it took was:
Scene:
No makeup, ponytail. Lose fitting green sweater and white sneakers.
Large cup of milk. Bag of oreos. Answering phone and reading blogs at the same time.
There is no shame in my game.
I really don’t know what is up with me lately. Use to be that when I would crave chocolate and be blah and annoyed and aggravated and want to lay in bed for three days with my head under the covers it was because of two reason. Boy trouble or lack of sex. I’m not having an issue with either. R is amazing and sweet. I didn’t feel well last night so I laid down at 9ish and he did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. And as for sex, well trust me… the boy has no shame in his game either.
Still, funk. Funky Funk. Funkiest of the Funky Funk. That’s me. I’m still that girl.
I could blame it on exhaustion. Two jobs wasn’t easy but now I’m about to cross the threshold of three and I’m scared. I’m going to never have a moment to breathe.
I could blame it on my main job. I am getting to a point to where I don’t know why I care so much. I continuously get thrown under the bus by Ms. Tool and The Caveman I call a production manager. I hate being held responsible for something I don’t understand or have no control over. It’s ridiculous is what it is.
I could blame it on the wedding planning. The fact that our semi-perfect site is turning out to be more of a hassle then we anticipated. It’s a beautiful site but we have to worry about weather, and the fact that there is no indoor pluming, and the $1200 for tables, chairs, tents and singing Chimpanzees. Ok, so maybe we’re not getting a singing Chimp or even a Gorilla that knows the Canadian national anthem. For that price though, I feel like we should be. And the fact that it’s an hours drive for me, which means it’s a ridiculous drive for my mother who let me know how inconvenient it is.
Really mom, you couldn’t save $60 in the next 262 days to buy the gas to get to Gold Hill and back. I’m sorry, how insensitive of me. I forgot for a second who my wedding day was all about. Opps.
So I try to come up with a nice solution. We don’t wanna get married in a church, but need to reduce the risk of rain and random bitching due to the heat in late June. What about a theatre, oh… there’s one in Lincolnton that I just SO happen to have grown up in and around. It’s available that day? Chairs and linens and location and tables included. Barely $1000? Wow, wow. Perfect. P-E-R-FECT. Let me get my fiances opinion.
::crickets:: R? ::more crickets::
Please.Develop.An.Opinion.
I’m this close to running away to the courthouse and following in my mothers footsteps. Bluejeans and bad 70′s hair in all.
But yeah, lets blame this funk on exhaustion. On the fact that I’m working when I’d rather be in bed. On the fact that tonight I will be working when I’d rather be taking a nap. That life sucks in general when you’re 20 something, planning a wedding, and working three jobs.
I’d love to get away for a few days. I guess a sugar induced coma will have to suffice.
Back to the now half eaten bag of oreos next to me.
Le.Sigh.
You know how in ever office there is one girl who’s pony-tail seems to fall constantly, and she has a big coffee stain on her shirt?
Today, I’m that girl.
And no, the stain is not figuratively speaking either. Only on days I wear white, and have a 3pm interview for job number 3.
Oh come on now, I know you’re jealous. I would be.
Or.Maybe.Not.
I’ve been a member of this site for almost a year now and I feel comfortable admitting a few of the guilty pleasures I have developed. As much as I love and adore my blog roll there are two types of blogs I read even though they are not constantly updated on my screen. Blogs that I have to go looking for.
One of them, is wedding blogs. I love reading about what women are doing and how they are handling the stress of their “big day”. I love seeing their ideas, and how they incorporate two very distinct personalities into something personal and beautiful and intimate. I think you can learn a lot from watching the way someone plans a wedding.
Taking a step away from myself I see my neurotic need to control minor details. My need to lay everything flat in front of me, black and white, no pink or purple or blue. I like decisiveness. I don’t like leaving things to chance. The Cop (let’s call him R from here on out) says it is one of the things he loves most about me. R is a big picture kind of person, where as I am always thinking of the details. It amazes him for some reason.
And where as I can assure you this blog is not going to turn into a wedding blog filled only with gushy exploitations of love and cake flavors and dress fittings for today at least it is.
Details I have planned:
This song in the video will be the song played when My bridesmaids and I walk down the isle. Minus the heavy middle with the guitar and fiddle (I think) but the soft beginning and end looped perfectly.
Our first dance will be to this song, which is R’s favorite.
Colors are lapis and berry which is a deep red and purple. The main tone will be purple. It’s gonna be pretty
And the main accent, candles. Not flowers or ribbons or twigs. Candles. Simple, small, white candles. Yeah… I’m pretty excited about it.
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